Septuple pepperoni.

Local man, age 80, is routinely awakened early by an annoying squirrel.

Conservatives: There’s an unstoppable swarm of rabid squirrels rampaging from State to State!

If I make myself angry I guess, but I have enough mental health issues as is.

At least if that was PLA (and not a Photoshop job) there’s be no risk of it failing mid-flight. Because it would rip to shreds the second torque was applied to it.

I’m 1/4 French Canadian, I have my own feelings about France.

Depending on State, a small enough engine on a bicycle doesn’t count as a motor vehicle.

His decrepit brain mixed up what kind of coke Don Jr. likes.

Whatever you say, Gravel Gullet.

I’d be more worried about losing all my body heat. Even with a tent you still need heaters.

Or in other words, she’s a soulless monster who deserves shame, ridicule, and a lifetime of misery.

No, that’s just monotheism. All “pagan” gods are Satan to these mouth breathers.

Resign, be exiled, put in stocks and have tomatoes thrown at her, launched into the ocean via trebuchet, used to test a SpaceX rocket - there’s just so many possibilities!

My only regret is that I can’t smash one because was never stupid enough to trust these things to begin with.

While “eat the rich” is a metaphor, I’m not above a literal interpretation. 250°F for about 12-18 hours depending on how big a bastard we’re talking about.

Oh but it was okay when y’all did it? Remember, ya old bastard; all that money? You can’t take it with you when you fucking die.

This classic.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks, “does this taste funny to you?”

Ringworm is a fungus? Dafuq? What moron thought that was a good name choice?

So… It’s, uh… Fucking fungus?

It’s how I quit smoking.